Friday, May 25, 2012

Just Shoot Me Now!

Well, it's day 9 and I have yet to receive my inviation packet.  My ears have become incredibly sensitive to the sound of truck engines, but none of them seem to be the one I need.  I have been sitting here pretty much all week hoping that the next car down the street will contain my invitation.  It doesn't help that I haven't gotten a job since Monday, so I haven't had anything to do to distract me.  I've tried cleaning the house, but that only went so far.  I've started praying to the delivery gods, asking them to have my package come.  It hasn't worked yet. 

I've started scouring Peace Corps blogs, trying to find a good timeline of when people got their invitations.  Everything I've read makes me more anxious.  All of the blogs I've read talk about how they either got a phone call or e-mail congratulating them on their invitation and that it was in the mail.  I received neither of them.  Then the worry comes that maybe they made a mistake on the website and that they really haven't sent out my stuff.  Or that it got lost in the mail and that they'll have to resend it.  My dad joked that if he saw it first, he was going to hide it from me.  I know he wouldn't actually do that, but I checked all the normal places he would hide things.  No luck.

On Tuesday the FedEx delivery person actually came to the house.  I ordered an iPad last week to take with me to Africa, and I knew that either could arrive.  So, when the truck pulled up I had no idea which package it would be.  I don't think anyone's ever been so sad to get an iPad in the mail.  It hasn't done much to distract me in the last few days. 

People keep asking me (every day) whether I know where I'm going yet.  Every time I hear that question I get a little more frustrated.  I just want to turn to them and say, "Just shut up!  Of course I don't know yet.  You'll know when I do.  Stop reminding me that I have no idea where I'm going and that I could find out at any moment!!!", but instead I reply, "Not yet."  Every time I see my mom after work she has this look on her face.  "Do you know yet?"  it asks me.  I don't even say anything anymore.  One look at my face tells her everything she needs to know.

I keep telling myself that when I finally stop expecting it to come, it will arrive.  Yea, you try forgetting that some of the most important information ever is in the mail.  Come on, this will be telling me what country I'm going to be living in for the next 2 years and 3 months, as well as when I'm leaving.  You think I can forget about that?  Yea, I don' think so.  Not happening.  My dreams even revolve about Africa now.  It is definitely not leaving my head.  And I'm pretty sure it's only going to get worse once I know for sure.  Even now, as I'm writing this, I'm thinking, 'Maybe while I'm writing this the truck will pull up in front of the house and I'll feel silly for writing about how it hasn't arrived.'  Guess what, it's not working.  No truck.  No invitation.  No news.  Do you think the Peace Corps does this on purpose?  Trying to see how long we can wait with the anticipation?  If they are, that's just mean of them.  I mean, I've already waited a year.  Just give it to me already. 

So, I guess there's nothing I can do but wait some more, and try to distract myself.  Somehow.  Maybe if I go shopping it'll be on the porch when I get back.  Or not.  We'll see.

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